January 09, 2004 - 3:22 PM

Ok... so we had our first team meeting of the year here at work and it was suddenly apparent that the gender ratio is a bit skewed where I work. I'm the only man in the department. I mean, I love everyone I work with. They're all fun and dedicated and wonderful women, but ya know, sometimes it'd be nice to be able to hang with a male co-worker (other than the "other" gay guy in the library) and just chat about, you know, male-ish like stuff.

Honestly. I don't need to know the best way how to shave my legs. Or the intricacies of child birth. Or... um... "that" time of the month. Yes. It's discussed. Openly. They think I'm all cool and hip cuz I'm gay and they love it that I can be all charming about women's issues (Hey. I try to be open and current.) but really. Really! There are certain reasons why I am gay.

And no, women colleagues, I am NOT interested in every man that strolls through the office doors. Yes. Cute Mail Boy is well... cute. Yes. That one client was a hunk. But no. No. The FedEx guy... not even remotely my type. Not a bear. And no, women colleagues, even me being the most outrageous (maybe only) gay guy ya know, I'm NOT going to explain to YOU WHY I LIKE BEARS. What? What's a "bear" women colleagues? Please. Don't ask me that. You know. You do know. You just want me to explain it in my "oh-so-cute-single-gay-man-explanation" that you find so endearing and cute. So please. No more queries on my bachelorhood or my preferences or my desires. I'm here to work.

And speaking of which. Even though I'm sitting here at my desk looking all stern and typing away I am NOT surfing the net. I am WORKING! Also, it's not OK to bother me every 18.3 seconds with you mundane questions:

"Where's the shortcut to the Y: drive that used to be on the desktop? Is something wrong?" [Yes. Something IS wrong. Your inability to move beyond the problem and figure it out. The shortcut got moved. Make a new one from the mapped network drive under the "My computer" icon.]

"This scan looks really, really too dark from the original. Should I re-do it?" [No. Let's send the crappiest looking scan I've ever scene in my 15 years of doing this to the client. They won't care. I certainly don't at this point.]

"Dave. Sorry, but you look really busy now, but, ummm... sorry to bother you, but this is somewhat, ummm.... kind of urgent, and ummmm.... are you eating your lunch right now, you know Maruchan (R) Instant Chicken Lunch noodle dish isnt' really that healthy, but hey, anyhow I'd think you'd be interested in knowing, that ummm..." [GET TO THE POINT!!!]

So yeah. Today was our first team meeting of 2004. I'm the only man here. Not that I mind. I've encountered dumb/inactive/non-interactive/strange/challenged men in my life too. Actually, more men than women fall into that category, in my "humble" (yeah... me humble) opinion. Remember: Think before you Speak. Try before you Bother me. Thanks. Have a great weekend. God save me. Is it 5 yet?

~zendaddy

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Where to find me now! - August 06, 2004
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Cheers to life!! - April 02, 2004
Dear Dragon Day - March 18, 2004
Re-Org - March 18, 2004

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